Team USA is off to the semi-finals in the men’s hockey tournament at Sochi’s Olympic games after bitch slapping the Czech Republic 5-2 in a game that wasn’t as close as the score indicates. They’ll play Canada Friday at noon EST for the chance to go on to the gold medal game. Finland and Sweden play Friday morning at 7 am our time in the other semi after Finland ousted Mother Russia 3-1. Yes, we’d love to have seen a rematch of the last winter games' incredible O-T gold medal game between the U-S and Canada won by our brothers to the North. Unfortunately, because of the brackets, the pairings just didn’t work out.

Finland’s 3-1 win over Russia can’t really be called an upset as the Fins were expected to go deep into the medal round of play but it’s still a devastating defeat for the Russian team with all the pressure put on them to raise their country’s flag with gold draped around their necks. But this is sooooooo different than 1980 when Team USA knocked the Russians (still adorned in their CCRP jerseys representing the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics) at the Lake Placid games. Remember, the USA team was made up of college kids because pros weren’t allowed in the Olympics until 1998. Of course, we had to gag on the fact that the Soviet team wasn’t a team made up of “professionals” even though playing hockey was their only chores as members of the Soviet army.

This one’s different because devastated Russian President Vlad Putin (who's GOTTA BE chugging down ice cold shots of vodka as I write this) can’t send his “amateurs” to a Gulag somewhere in Siberia for their humiliating defeat on home ice. The Russian team is made up of NHL pros all earning a ka-zillion dollars and living in mansions in a galaxy far, far away from Sochi. Nope, this bitter defeat will linger with a lonely Vlad Putin long after the last chartered jet has carried his coveted professional Russian players back to their palaces in the U-S and Canada.

Sour Cream or Ceramics With That?

 A man in Portland, Oregon is suing and Outback Steakhouse after he broke two teeth biting into some mashed potatoes. Roger Branstetter says there were bits of broken porcelain in his spuds and he cracked a pair of molars. He’s looking for $48 large.